Today, I would like to introduce you to Dr. Joseph Galasso, also known as Dr. Joe, a clinical psychologist and CEO of Baker Street Behavioral Health. Dr. Joe recently shared his expertise with us on a topic that affects many families today: parental phubbing and the impact our phone habits can have on our children and family relationships.
Our phones have become part of everyday life. We use them for work, school, family schedules, emergencies, photographs, messages, directions, and staying connected with the people we love.
But sometimes, without even realizing it, that little device in our hand can take our attention away from the person sitting right in front of us. That is where parental phubbing comes in.
Dr. Joe answers our questions about what parental phubbing is, how children may respond when they feel ignored, how parents model technology habits for their children, and practical ways families can create healthier boundaries around their phones. So, let’s grab our favorite beverage and pull up a chair and hear what Dr. Joe has to say.
Meet Dr. Joe
Dr. Joseph Galasso, also known as Dr. Joe, is a clinical psychologist and CEO of Baker Street Behavioral Health.
Dr. Joe brings his professional experience in behavioral health to the conversation surrounding children, families, technology, and the ways our everyday behaviors can affect our relationships.
We appreciate Dr. Joe taking the time to answer our questions and share his perspective with GreatfulMoments readers. Now, let’s get to our questions!
Dr. Joe Answers Our Questions About Parental Phubbing
1. What exactly is parental phubbing, and why is it something parents should be aware of?
Dr. Joe: Parental phubbing is the act of a parent ignoring or neglecting their child during a face-to-face interaction by focusing on their smartphone. While parents may not intend to make their children feel ignored, repeatedly choosing the phone over an interaction can affect how a child experiences that relationship. It is something worth being aware of because our children notice where our attention goes.
2. What are some signs that a child may be feeling neglected or ignored because of a parent’s phone use?
Dr. Joe: Children may feel neglected or ignored, with their needs feeling unmet. Some children may withdraw or show depressive, anxious, or other internalized symptoms, including low self-esteem or low self-worth. Others may show more externalized behaviors. This can include acting out, becoming oppositional, angry, or defiant.
Dr. Joe also noted that parental phubbing can be associated with reduced trust and engagement, as well as lower family cohesion and communication. This doesn’t mean that every change in a child’s behavior is caused by a parent’s phone use. Children can experience difficult emotions and behavioral changes for many different reasons.
But it does give parents something to think about. Are we noticing when our child is trying to connect with us? Are we listening when they talk? Are we putting down the phone long enough to really be present?
3. How can being ignored in this way affect a child’s sense of self-worth?
Dr. Joe: Children, especially younger children, can feel easily replaced.
As they develop resilience, they may experience self-doubt or embarrassment. During the early teen years, children can become especially aware of how others react to them. Feeling ignored can be a major blow to a child’s sense of self-worth. That is an important reminder for parents because a child may not understand that Mom or Dad is simply checking a message or handling something on the phone.
The child may simply experience it as: “They’re not listening to me.” And when that happens repeatedly, it can affect how a child feels about their place and importance within the family.
4. How important is parental modeling when it comes to children’s own technology habits?
Dr. Joe: Behavior that is modeled is likely to be retained and integrated.
In other words, children are watching us. We can tell our children to put their phones down, limit screen time, or pay attention during conversations, but they are also learning from what they see their parents doing.
If they regularly see us reaching for our phones whenever there is a quiet moment, they may begin to see that behavior as normal. That makes our own technology habits an opportunity to model balance.
5. Parents often genuinely need their phones for work, emergencies, or family responsibilities. How can they balance those responsibilities with giving their children undivided attention?
Dr. Joe: Outside responsibilities can require phones.
Parents can mitigate this by setting clear boundaries for undivided attention, communicating when they are on-call or awaiting calls, and limiting mindless scrolling when the phone isn’t needed around their children.
This is an important distinction. There are times when the phone really does need our attention. If you’re waiting for an important work call, checking on a family member, or dealing with an emergency, that is different from picking up the phone simply because a notification appeared or because we’re bored.
Parents can also explain what is happening. Something as simple as, “I’m waiting for an important call, but I’m listening to you,” lets a child know that the parent is aware of the conversation and still values it.
6. What are some practical changes families can make to create healthier relationships with technology?
Dr. Joe: Families can create good relationships with technology by recognizing that phones can be used for mindless scrolling, texting, and watching.
Create times when phone use is limited across the family. Reduce notifications. Use silent or Do Not Disturb settings. Set social media limits or clocks. Families can also speak openly about how difficult it can be to separate from their phones and validate the children’s experience.
I think this is especially useful because creating healthier technology habits doesn’t have to mean throwing every phone into a drawer and never touching it again. Instead, families can establish specific times and places where everyone gets a break from their devices.
Dinner can become family time. A movie can become family time. A conversation can become family time. And parents can participate in those boundaries right alongside their children.
7. If a parent recognizes that their phone habits have become a problem, where should they begin?
Dr. Joe: Behaviors are often easier to change by replacing phone time with another activity.
Prioritize the kids and be present. That may sound simple, but sometimes the simplest changes are the ones we can actually maintain. Instead of automatically reaching for the phone, choose something else. Take a walk together. Play a game. Read a book. Cook something together. Sit outside.
Ask your child about their day. Or simply sit down and listen. The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is being present more often.
What Can We Take Away From Dr. Joe’s Advice?
As parents, we live in a very different world than the one many of us grew up in. Our phones are calendars, cameras, televisions, libraries, communication centers, work tools, alarm clocks, maps, shopping carts, and so much more.
We aren’t going to stop using them. And we don’t need to feel guilty every time we pick one up. But perhaps we can become more aware of why we’re picking it up and what is happening around us when we do.
Is our child telling us a story? Is someone asking us a question? Are we sitting together at the dinner table? Is this a moment our child is going to remember? If the phone doesn’t really need our attention, perhaps it can wait.
Put it down. Look up. Listen. Be there. And if you realize you’ve been reaching for your phone too often, don’t beat yourself up. Start with one moment. Then another.
Dr. Joe’s advice reminds us that replacing a habit with another activity can help us make changes. So instead of reaching for the phone, reach for your child. Ask a question. Start a conversation. Play something. Take a walk. Make a memory. Because our children aren’t asking us to be perfect. They need us to be present
A GreatfulMoments Reminder
There will always be another notification. Another text. Another email. Another social media post. Another video. Another thing waiting for us on our phones. But our children are growing. The conversation happening right now may not happen again in exactly the same way.
The little story they are telling us may seem ordinary today but become a memory we treasure years from now. So let’s remember that our phones are tools. Our children are people. And sometimes the most meaningful thing we can do is put the tool down and give the person in front of us our full attention.
Thank you to Dr. Joe for sharing his time and professional insight with GreatfulMoments. And thank you for pulling up a chair and joining us for this conversation.
Grateful, Thankful, and Blessed.
GreatfulMoments.com
Thank you, Glenda, Charlie and David Cates
About This Q&A
This article was created from a written Q&A with Dr. Joseph Galasso regarding parental phubbing, children’s experiences with parental phone use, technology habits, and family connection.
Disclosure: GreatfulMoments received this expert Q&A for editorial consideration. The opinions and professional information expressed by Dr. Galasso are his own.
