I don’t know about in your home but for me Christmas is both a happy time and a sad time. It’s my Birthday but it’s also the time of year when Suzzane passed away as well as my dad and even my grandmother. Then we go into Charlie’s Birthday and Christmas. Each year, as Christmas gets closer, there seems to be a little more pressure.

Living on one income David and I have to figure out what we are buying and who are we buying for? Then we have to decide what we are cooking and when are we decorating? Then we have to decide when will everyone be together? Along with what traditions were bringing back.

But this year, I’ve been thinking about a different question: What do we really want Christmas to feel like? Because Christmas changes. Our children grow up. Our families grow. People move away. Traditions change. And, sometimes, someone who has always been part of Christmas isn’t going to be sitting in their usual chair.

This year will be our first Christmas without David’s dad. And that means Christmas is going to feel different. We can’t change that. But maybe we don’t have to try to make Christmas exactly like it used to be. Maybe we can take some of the traditions we loved, make room for the memories, and create something new.

I remember when David and I first got together and Christmas at his mom’s house didn’t necessarily mean that everybody showed up at the same time on Christmas Day. Different family members could come on different evenings.

David and I and Charlie might come one night. Leslie and Toby could come another. Alex and her family could come another evening. Mom and Dad could have their own time together, too. Then Mike and Lynn would come another day. Somewhere in it all Bo would cover over.

And you know what? That was still Christmas. Maybe that’s something we need to remember. Everybody doesn’t have to be in the same room at the same time for it to be a family Christmas. In fact, spreading the visits out might give Mom more opportunities to enjoy the season instead of trying to squeeze the entire family into one day.

One night might mean dinner. Another might mean opening a few presents. Another might mean watching a Christmas movie. Another might simply mean sitting around the kitchen table and talking. Those little visits count.

Mom, shouldn’t feel like she has to purchase a Christmas gift for everyone. Which is something I really want older parents—and honestly, anyone who feels this pressure—to hear: You do not have to feel guilty because you aren’t buying Christmas gifts for everyone.

I know Mom tends to buy gifts for the little ones. And I also know that if we decided everyone was going to come over for Christmas, she might immediately start thinking: “But I’ll need to buy something for everybody.” No. That’s not the point.

The point isn’t what is underneath the Christmas tree. The point is who is sitting in the room with you. The point is the conversation. The hugs and the laughter. The storie and the meal. The photographs and the memories.

The main part of this is the fact that your family wanted to spend time with you. If you’re an older parent or grandparent, please don’t think you have to spend money to earn a place at your family’s Christmas table.

Your family isn’t coming because of what you can buy them. They’re coming because they love you. And sometimes the best gift you can give your children and grandchildren is simply opening the door and saying: “Come on in.”

If Mom hasn’t gotten a Christmas tree, maybe we can do something simple. We could pick up a little tree and no, not the biggest tree like she had when Charlie was growing up. Not the fanciest tree. Just a little tree that we can decorate together.

And maybe that tree could bring back memories of when Charlie was little and we decorated for Christmas together. That’s one of the funny things about family memories. You don’t always realize how important a moment is while you’re living it.

Then years later, something as simple as hanging an ornament can take you right back. Charlie isn’t little anymore. He’s grown. And yet we can still make a new memory around a Christmas tree. That’s what Christmas is supposed to do. Carry some of yesterday into today while giving us something new to remember tomorrow.

Maybe this is also the year we pick out one special ornament for Mom. It doesn’t have to be expensive. It doesn’t have to be fancy it just needs to mean something. Maybe it represents Pa ot mabey it represents the family. Maybe it represents a tradition. Maybe it simply says something that reminds Mom of a happy Christmas.

And every year when she hangs it on the tree, she’ll remember this Christmas. Not because everything was perfect. But because we were together. We’re also going to be creating a memorial garden for Mom later on.

The gift or ornament we get mom doesn’t have to be finished at Christmas. We don’t have to rush outside and install everything during the holidays. But I think it would be meaningful to have the first piece ready. Pa loved the Dallas Cowboys. Mike does too.

So maybe this Christmas we could give Mom a Dallas Cowboys flag that will eventually have a place in the memorial garden. She could unwrap it. We could tell her what we’re thinking. And maybe someday, when the memorial garden is ready, that flag will have its place there.

For Christmas, though, it would simply be a reminder. This was something Pa loved. And now we’re carrying that memory forward. That’s what family does. We remember and we tell the stories. We keep little pieces of the people we love. And we find ways to include them even when they aren’t physically sitting beside us anymore.

And then there is food. Mom loves avocado dip—what many of us would call guacamole. The funny thing is, none of my family are really avocado people. Charlie will eat guacamole once in a while, but most of us aren’t reaching for it.

Mom also likes street tacos. And again, my family doesn’t care for Street Tacos and this is why we don’t all eat them the same way. But maybe that’s exactly the point. We don’t have to eat the same thing to eat together. We could put everything on the table and let everyone make dinner their own way.

Easy Guacamole Dip

Ingredients:

• 2 ripe avocados
• 1 tablespoon lime juice
• 2 tablespoons diced tomato
• 1 tablespoon diced onion
• 1 tablespoon chopped cilantro, optional
• A little salt
• Jalapeño, optional

Directions:

Mash the avocados in a bowl.

Stir in the lime juice.

Add tomato, onion, cilantro, jalapeño, and salt according to your family’s tastes.

Taste and adjust.

That’s it.

And if someone doesn’t like onions?

Don’t add them.

Don’t like tomatoes?

Leave them out.

Want more lime?

Add it.

Make the guacamole your way. That’s part of the fun.

Build-Your-Own Street Tacos– This could be even easier. Put the ingredients on the table and let everybody make their own tacos.

Choose Your Meat

• Steak
• Chicken
• Ground beef
• Or even a combination

Personally, I would probably choose ground beef.

Choose Your Shell

• Soft flour tortillas
• Soft corn tortillas
• Crispy taco shells

Choose Your Toppings

• Onion
• Peppers
• Lettuce
• Tomato
• Cheese
• Sour cream
• Guacamole
• Salsa
• Cilantro
• Lime

And here’s the rule: There are no rules. If you want onions and peppers? Add them. If you want only onions? Add only onions. Don’t want either? Leave them off. Want steak? Have steak. Want chicken? Have chicken.

If your like me have ground beef? That’s perfectly fine too. Want a soft taco? Go for it. Want a crispy taco? That’s your Christmas taco. The point isn’t making everybody eat the exact same meal. The point is putting food on the table and sitting down together.

I think sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves during the holidays. We want everything to feel the way it used to. But families aren’t the same as they were five, ten, twenty, or thirty years ago. Children grow up. and grandchildren arrive or great-grandchildren in any Granny’s case.

People get married and sometimes people move. Our parents get older. And sometimes we lose someone we love. We can’t recreate yesterday but we can remember it. We can talk about Pa and we can tell the stories.

We can put his favorite things into the Christmas season. We can laugh about old Christmases and we can look at photographs. We can hang an ornament. We can decorate a little tree. We can eat street tacos. We can make guacamole—even if most of us don’t eat it. And we can sit with Mom.

There is a difference between doing Christmas and experiencing Christmas. Doing Christmas can become a checklist: Buy the presents ands wrap the presents. Decorate the house. Bake the cookies and cook the dinner. Go to the event and take the picture. Clean everything up. And then suddenly Christmas is over.

Experiencing Christmas is different. It’s sitting beside someone you love and hearing a story you’ve heard a hundred times. It’s watching Charlie decorate a tree even though he’s not little anymore. It’s laughing about who does and doesn’t eat avocado.

It’s letting Mom unwrap something that reminds her of Pa. It’s eating street tacos around the table. It’s taking a picture because someday that picture will be a memory. It’s staying a little longer instead of rushing home. It’s saying: “I’m glad we came.”

So before the Christmas rush begins, maybe we should all stop and ask ourselves: What do we really want this Christmas to feel like? For our family, maybe it won’t be one giant Christmas gathering. Maybe it will be several evenings. Maybe David, Charlie, and I will spend one evening with Mom.

Someone else will come another night. Another family member will come another evening. Maybe we’ll decorate a little tree. Maybe we’ll make street tacos. Maybe Mom will have her guacamole. Maybe we’ll unwrap one special ornament.

Maybe we’ll give her that Cowboys flag for the memorial garden. Maybe we’ll talk about Pa. Maybe we’ll laugh and maybe we’ll cry. And that’s okay. Because Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be expensive. And it doesn’t have to look exactly like it did last year.

It just needs to give us time with the people we love. For older parents and grandparents especially, I hope we remember this: You don’t have to buy us Christmas. You don’t have to feel guilty. You don’t have to fill the tree with presents.

Let us bring the food. Let us bring the gifts. Let us bring the little tree. Let us bring the ornament. Let us bring the Cowboys flag. You just be there. Because one day, those ordinary Christmas evenings may become the memories we treasure most.

And maybe that’s what Christmas is really about. Not having everything. Not doing everything. Not buying everything. But being together. Making memories. Remembering the people who came before us. And being grateful, thankful, and blessed for the people who are still sitting around the table. That sounds like Christmas to me.

Guacamole Dip

Ingredients

• 2 ripe avocados
• 1 tablespoon lime juice
• 2 tablespoons diced tomato
• 1 tablespoon diced onion
• 1 tablespoon cilantro, optional
• Salt to taste
• Jalapeño, optional

Directions: Mash the avocados. Stir in lime juice and whatever additional ingredients your family enjoys. Taste and adjust.

Make it your way!

Build-Your-Own Street Tacos

Pick your meat: steak, chicken, or ground beef.

Pick your shell: soft tortillas or crispy taco shells.

Pick your toppings: onions, peppers, lettuce, tomato, cheese, sour cream, guacamole, salsa, cilantro, lime—or whatever your family enjoys.

The best taco is the one you make yourself.

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Grateful, Thankful, and Blessed.

GreatfulMoments.com

Thank you,

Glenda, Charlie and David Cates