When Suzzane passed away keeping her memory alive and sharing her stories, traditions, and moments we carry forward was the way I was able to survive her passing. Now with my father in law passing away this week I wanted to remind you when someone we love passes away, one of the hardest parts is learning how to live in a world where they are no longer physically with us.

If you’re like me you will miss their voice and we miss their hugs. We miss the little everyday moments that we never realized were so precious until they became memories. But even though someone is no longer sitting beside us, they do not stop being part of our lives. Love does not disappear. It changes.

It becomes the stories we tell and the traditions we continue and the places we create to remember the little things that make us smile because they remind us of someone we loved while allowing to create places of them that hold special memories like the memory garden my family is making my mother in law.

Another way we can honor someone we love is by creating a special place where their memory can continue to grow. For our family, it was the memory garden for David’s dad which will be placed right outside the window where he used to sit so that when she looks outside, she will be able to see it. Then I began to think and now I want to add a additional flower bed because when she is sitting in her swing she wouldn’t be able to see the flowers in front of the window which is why were doing to flower beds ie memory gardens. Would you want to help us?

For me a garden is more than flowers it is a living reminder and a place to sit quietly and to remember and to feel connected to those we’ve loved and lost. Sometimes a place does not have to be big to be meaningful. It simply has to hold love which is why this garden will grow in love and create memories for Sherry for years to come.

For Suzanne, I have my flower garden with Roses and Tulips in it. I also several of her stuffed animals in my living room because they remind me of her. And even though some people may not understand why, I talk to her every single day. Because when someone has been such an important part of your life, that love does not stop.

Her memory is still part of my everyday moments. The flowers, the decorations, and those little reminders are not about holding onto sadness. They are about holding onto love. The everyday reminders and sometimes the things that remind us of someone are not traditional memorials. Sometimes they are simple things that become precious because of the story behind them.

My dad’s dinning room chair sits at my dining room kitchen table. To someone else, it may just look like a chair and people may wonder why I have it when it doesn’t match my table and chairs but to my family, it is a reminder of him. It is a reminder of conversations, family, and the place he still holds in my heart.

Those everyday reminders are gifts and they help us feel connected. They help us tell stories and they help the next generation know the people who came before them and they bring God winks along the way.

Sometimes a memory finds us when we least expect it. My mom collected owls when I was growing up. Unfortunately, I do not have many physical things that belonged to my mom. But I carry her memories. One day, while walking through Hobby Lobby, I saw a sign with an owl that said, “Coffee 24 Hours.” It literally fell off a shelf right in front of me.

There was no other sign like it in the store. I knew I needed to bring it home because everyone I know loves Coffee including David, Suzzane and Charlie. Some people may call that a coincidence. I call it a God wink and a little hug from Heaven and a little reminder that love still finds a way to reach us.

That sign was bought because of my mom, but it also connects my family — Charlie, Suzanne, David and I and the memories we share. Sometimes the smallest things carry the biggest stories. Which is why when walking up my stairs you will see a OU Sooners sign in memory of Suzzane who had wanted to go to college there.

its been a week where my mother in law is cleaning out her home and passing my father in laws things out creating memories for the next generation. For me I believe one of greatest gifts we can give our families is sharing the stories of the people we have loved. Tell the stories. Share the recipes. Explain why a certain flower was planted. Talk about the traditions. Say their names.

Our loved ones become part of future generations through the memories we choose to share. A garden. A chair. A sign. A photograph. A favorite recipe. A simple story told around the table. These things remind us that a person’s life mattered and that love can leave a legacy with the stories they leave behind.

I wanted to remind you keeping someone’s memory alive does not mean we are stuck in the past. It means were grateful for the love we were given because the people we love leave pieces of themselves with us. They leave lessons and they leave laughter and memories. And when we continue honoring those memories, we keep their love growing. Because the greatest memorial is not always something we build. Sometimes it is the love we continue carrying forward.

Grateful, Thankful, and Blessed

Thank you,

Glenda, Charlie and David Cates