Sometimes when I’m looking through the #Holidays to see what is happening that day or month they bring me to my knees reminding me of people I love and miss. October 17th is National Forgiveness & Happiness Day, and for me, this holiday is both sweet and bittersweet.
I remember the day Suzanne was hit and killed. If I had been the gentleman who hit her, I would have at least apologized. I would have wanted to know if there was anything I could do. I would have wanted to say, “I’m sorry.” But that isn’t what happened and because of that for the longest time I was both bitter and angry and it was affecting my mental health and at times it still does. .
All the gentleman asked the police officer was to tell me that he did nothing wrong. Not, “I’m sorry.” Not, “Is there anything I can do to help you?” Just, “I did nothing wrong.” Yet you hit and killed my daughter and you didn’t seem to have any remorse at all in what you did.
I wanted to know how someone could be so cold. For a long time, I hated that man and sometimes I still do even though that isn’t what the LORD would want me to do. And I’m not going to sit here and tell you that forgiveness was easy, because it wasn’t. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with in my life.
But eventually, I had to look inside myself and ask a very hard question. If I made a terrible accident, would I want somebody to hate me for the rest of my life? I wouldn’t. And I realized that he has to live with what happened for the rest of his life, too. That doesn’t make what happened okay.
It doesn’t bring Suzanne back. It doesn’t erase the hurt. But I finally had to learn how to forgive him. And that was hard. Sometimes forgiveness isn’t about saying, “What you did was okay.” Sometimes forgiveness is saying, “I can’t carry this anger anymore.” And that is something I want to remind parents about today.
We aren’t promised tomorrow. No matter how angry you are, how upset you are, or how hurt somebody has made you, take the time today to make things right if you can. Maybe you’re not ready to completely forgive them. That’s okay. But maybe you can at least say, “It’s okay.” Maybe you can say, “I love you.” Maybe you can take that first little step toward peace.
Because you just don’t know where tomorrow is going to take you any more than I do. And lately, Charlie and I have been butting heads more and more. He’s been ugly and downright disrespectful to both David and I. This has caused me to be ugly and to say things I wish I hadn’t said..
But the other day, we were driving somewhere, and Charlie took the time to apologize and I did to. Did that make everything he said right? Or everything I said right. No. Did I forget the things he said? No. Did he forget the things I said? No. But we both apologized.
We talked about it. We came to terms with what we had each done wrong, and we’re working on it—not only together, but on our own as well. That’s what I want to teach my children, and what I want to remind parents today. We’re not perfect. We’re going to mess up. We’re going to say things we don’t mean. We’re going to hurt people we love.
But we have to remember to love one another anyway. Because the Lord put each and every one of us here on this planet for a reason. And sometimes forgiveness isn’t about the other person at all. Sometimes forgiveness is about giving your own heart permission to heal.
So today, if there is somebody you’ve been holding anger toward, think about reaching out. You don’t have to forget. You don’t have to pretend it didn’t hurt. You don’t even have to be ready to forgive completely. But take that first step. Because tomorrow isn’t promised. And sometimes the words we think we have plenty of time to say are the very words we wish we had said the most.
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Grateful. Thankful. Blessed.
Thank you,
Glenda, Charlie and David Cates
