A quick reminder for parents: Bullying can happen to boys and girls, at school and at home. Sometimes the child who needs help is the one we never expected, and sometimes the person doing the hurting is an adult.

There are some things that happen when you’re raising children that you never forget. You may not remember every detail of every school day, but you remember the day your child came home hurt. You remember the fear, the anger, and the feeling that you should have been able to protect them.

As a mother, those memories stay with you. I want to talk about bullying today because I’ve seen what it can do to children, and I’ve learned that bullying isn’t always as simple as one child being mean to another. Sometimes there is a lot more happening behind closed doors than we realize.

I’m sharing a little of our family’s story because I hope it might help another parent, another child, or even someone who needs to be reminded to show a little kindness. When Charlie was growing up, his elementary school was at the end of our street. One day, he was walking home from school when two boys he considered friends attacked him.

They jumped him and were beating him badly. Then something happened that I have never forgotten. Another child came along and pulled the two boys off Charlie. He stepped in, stopped the attack, and walked Charlie home. To this day, I still don’t know who that child was.

I don’t know his name, and I never got the opportunity to thank him personally. But I thank the Lord that he was there that day. I believe Charlie could have been hurt even worse if that child hadn’t stepped in. Think about that for a moment. Somewhere, there was a child who saw another child being hurt and decided to do something about it. He didn’t have to know Charlie. He didn’t have to be his friend. He simply stepped in when someone needed help. I wish I could tell that young man how much his actions meant to David and I.

When Charlie came through the door, he was holding his side I had him pull up his shirt so I could see why he was hurting. I saw red marks up and down his ribs where he had been kicked. I asked Charlie what happened and he didn’t want to say because he didn’t want the kids to attack him again.

As his mother, I was upset. I wanted answers, and I wanted to understand what had happened to my son. Thank GOD the young man was still there because he told me what he had seen. Then Charlie started to tell me what all happened and how they would bother him at school.

I went to the grandmother’s home of one of the boys involved and asked about his parents. Later, when his father arrived, I explained what had happened to Charlie. What happened next was something I wasn’t expecting. As I was telling him about the attack, the father turned around and backhanded his own son in the mouth. Then he told me that next time I should just call the police. I stood there thinking about what I had just witnessed. We were talking about a child who had hurt another child, and the response was to hit him.

That moment stayed with me because it reminded me of something important: bullying and hurtful behavior aren’t always limited to children. Adults can hurt children, too. We tell our children not to hit, not to intimidate, and not to use their strength to hurt someone else. They need to see those same lessons demonstrated by the adults around them.

Violence doesn’t teach a child how to handle anger, take responsibility, or make things right. And while children must be held accountable when they hurt someone, they also need adults who can show them a better way. I want to be careful about how I tell this part of the story. I’m not writing this to attack another family or pretend I knew everything that was happening in another child’s life. I didn’t.

What I did know was that this boy’s living situation seemed unsettled. Sometimes he was at his grandmother’s home, and sometimes he was elsewhere. I couldn’t see the whole picture, and I didn’t know what life was like for him when other people weren’t around.

Over the years, Charlie has tried more than once to give people another chance and be a friend. I’ve seen how difficult it can be to understand a person whose behavior hurts others when you don’t know what that person may be going through. This doesn’t mean we excuse bullying. It doesn’t mean a child who has been hurt should have to accept more hurt because another child might be struggling.

We can hold someone accountable for hurting others and still care about what may be happening in that person’s life. Sometimes children who hurt other children need help, boundaries, and adults willing to recognize that something may be wrong. Sometimes a child needs protection from what is happening at home, too. We may never know the whole story. That is why I believe we should be careful about judging people we don’t know while still taking harmful behavior seriously.

Charlie wasn’t the only child in our family who experienced bullying. My daughter, Suzzane, was bullied when she was in school, and those experiences helped influence my decision to homeschool her. I know homeschooling isn’t the right choice for every family, and I’m not suggesting every parent should make the same decision I did. Families have different circumstances, resources, and needs. But I do believe parents need to take their children’s experiences seriously.

If your child is being bullied and you have tried to work with the school, but the situation isn’t getting better, keep advocating for your child. Document what is happening, communicate with school officials, ask what steps will be taken to keep your child safe, and seek additional help when necessary.

If a school tells you that your child needs to leave, ask questions and explore your options. You may need to consider a different school, another educational setting, or homeschooling if it is feasible for your family. Your child deserves to feel safe and to have the opportunity to learn.

And please remember that bullying isn’t just a problem for boys. Girls can be bullied, excluded, threatened, embarrassed, and hurt, too. Sometimes the harm isn’t as visible as the marks I saw on Charlie’s ribs, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t serious.If you’re worried about your child, you don’t have to wait until the situation becomes unbearable before asking for help.

Here are some steps you can take:

Listen to your child. Give them an opportunity to explain what has been happening without blaming them or making them feel ashamed. Let them know they did the right thing by telling you.

Write down what happens. Keep track of dates, locations, people involved, and what was said or done. Save relevant messages or screenshots if the bullying is happening online.

Contact the school. If the bullying is happening at school, contact the teacher, counselor, or principal. Ask what steps will be taken to address the behavior and protect your child. Follow up in writing so you have a record of the conversation.

Take physical violence seriously. If your child has been injured, seek medical care as appropriate. If there is immediate danger or serious violence, contact emergency services or law enforcement.

Look for support. A school counselor, pediatrician, qualified mental health professional, or trusted community organization may be able to help your family work through what is happening.

Keep talking to your child. Make sure they know that they can come to you, even if they feel embarrassed, frightened, or unsure what to say.

You can also visit StopBullying.gov, a federal resource with information for children, parents, and educators about recognizing, preventing, and responding to bullying. You don’t have to figure everything out on your own.

Remember the child who stopped the boys from hurting Charlie and walked him home? I have never forgotten him, even though I don’t know his name. He showed me that one person can make a difference. But I also know that stepping into a physical fight can be dangerous. Children should not feel that they must put themselves in danger to prove they care.

If you see someone being bullied, you can get a trusted adult, call for help, stay with the person who has been hurt if it is safe, or report what you witnessed. You can also reach out afterward so that person knows they aren’t alone. Sometimes kindness is a simple act. Sitting beside someone who is being left out, refusing to join in when others are making fun of a classmate, or telling a trusted adult what you saw can matter more than you realize. You may never know how much someone needed that one moment of kindness.

I cannot tell you exactly what was happening in every child’s life in Charlie’s story. I can’t speak for another family or explain what someone else was experiencing behind closed doors. What I can tell you is what I witnessed as a mother. I saw my son come home with marks on his ribs. I saw a child step in to help him when he needed it. I witnessed an adult respond to a painful situation with violence of his own. And I have watched my children face difficult experiences that reminded me how much children need love, protection, and understanding.

That’s why I want us to be more mindful of how we treat one another. We don’t know what another child is dealing with when they go home at the end of the day. We don’t know what another family is facing. And we don’t know how much a simple act of kindness might mean to someone who feels alone.

That doesn’t mean we should ignore harmful behavior or leave children unprotected. It means we can stand against bullying while still choosing compassion. If you or your child is being bullied, please don’t feel that you have to keep it a secret. Reach out to someone you trust and ask for help. And if you know someone who is struggling, please take the time to listen.

If you are a parent who doesn’t know what to do next, you are welcome to reach out to me. I can’t promise to have every answer, but I’ll do my best to listen and help you find a place to start. We may not be able to change every situation, but we can choose to be kinder, speak up when someone is being hurt, and make sure our children know they don’t have to face bullying alone.

Kindness Matters!

A Family Activity About Bullying and Helping Others

Think About It

Grateful, Thankful, and Blessed,
Greatful Moments

This article shares a personal family experience and general information. It is not a substitute for professional, school, medical, or legal advice.

Thank you,

Glenda, Charlie and David Cates