Before I share my thoughts on the book I wanted to share her tagline with you because its all I’ve been thinking of this morning. “Raise Capable Kids, End Motherhood Burnout, and Lighten Your Mental Load” if only that was possible.
Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of Notice and Do: Raise Capable Kids, End Motherhood Burnout, and Lighten Your Mental Load by Sam Kelly for review purposes. This post contains an Amazon affiliate link, which means Greatful Moments may earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no additional cost to you. All opinions expressed are my own.
This morning I was struggling with what I wanted to do with work today, Charlie not getting up like he should and David calling into work to go and sale Plasma which makes him sick more times than not. I felt like hitting my head against the wall and then going back to bed. But there was no, time for any of that or even a pity party.
Instead I moved some books around on my desk and I found out the Lord was listening and he had plans for my family even though I didn’t know. Like in the last he has a way of placing something in my path at just the right time. If your like me you might not understand why it landed in your inbox that particular morning, or on your desk or something someone hands you but something about it catches your attention, and you know you need to stop and take a closer look.
That’s exactly what happened to me when a press release about Notice and Do: Raise Capable Kids, End Motherhood Burnout, and Lighten Your Mental Load by Sam Kelly arrived in my inbox. This year has been a difficult year in not only my home but for our friends and family as well.
As a parent, my goal has always been to pick my battles when it comes to David, Charlie and his friends. Like with Suzzane I’ve learned that not every disagreement needs to become an argument, not every problem needs to be addressed at the same moment, and sometimes the best thing a mom can do is step back, take a breath, and figure out what really matters. But knowing that and putting it into practice are two different things.
Charlie lost his job this year, and I believe that setback contributed to him struggling with depression again. When your child is hurting, you want to do everything you can to help. But getting the care your child needs isn’t always as simple as making an appointment. Without insurance, finding affordable mental health care can be difficult. Free clinics exist, but eligibility requirements and available services mean they’re not always an option for every family.
As a mom, that is a hard place to find yourself. You want to help your child, you want to make things better, and sometimes you feel like you’re running out of answers. Meanwhile, everyday life continues. There are still responsibilities, things that need to be done around the house, and family members who don’t always see things the same way.
So when I read the description of Samantha Kelly’s new parenting book, something clicked. Here was a book about helping families share the mental load, teaching children to notice what needs to be done, and finding ways to encourage cooperation without constant reminders, yelling, or micromanaging. I knew this was a book I needed to read and to share with David and Charlie.
Notice and Do is published by HarperOne, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers. Its full title is Notice and Do: Raise Capable Kids, End Motherhood Burnout, and Lighten Your Mental Load. Which not only sounds easy but seems like it would be but more times than not it isn’t easy.
The premise is straightforward: rather than expecting Mom to notice everything, remember everything, and tell everybody what to do, parents can teach their children to recognize what needs attention and take the initiative to help. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? In my home it would be and it would take a lot of stess of me which would be a Godsend.
I have to admit that when I first saw the author’s name, Sam Kelly, I assumed Sam was a man. LOL But being a parenting book I should have knew it was a women and yes, even though I shouldn’t have been surprised when I discovered that the author is Samantha Kelly a very pretty woman, I was. But I enjoyed her writing and learning a little about her background made me curious to explore her work.
Samantha has a master’s degree in Art Therapy Counseling, has taught at the university level, and created the audio course Little Cycle-Breakers. Her Notice and Do method has been featured by media outlets and parenting publications, including Good Morning America, Business Insider, Upworthy, Motherly, and Scary Mommy. The book also includes illustrations, photographs, writing spaces, and resources to help parents put the ideas into practice.
One of the first things I appreciated was that the book is broken into manageable sections. You don’t have to sit down and read it all in one afternoon. You can work through a little at a time, stop to think about what you’ve learned, and return to it when you have another few minutes. For a busy mom, that matters and it works well with our 10 Minute Reading Challenge and its why you will find this book inside our Christmas Gift Guide/ Wish List.
One of the first things that caught my attention was the quotation from Basil King at the beginning of the book: “Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid.” If only that were true! I sure could use those mighty forces today and I’m sure David and Charlie could to.
The first part of the book explores why things need to change. One chapter is titled The Little Engine That Can’t Anymore. It immediately took me back to the familiar story of the little engine that thought it could and it did and its one thing I live by no, matter what else is happening in my life.
But sometimes, after trying and trying, a mom reaches the point where she wonders how much longer she can keep doing everything the way she has always done it. Another chapter, It’s Not Your Fault: The Game Is Rigged, addresses the pressures that contribute to burnout. The book also explores putting words to that burnout and understanding the science behind Samantha’s strategy.
I appreciated the idea of taking a step back and examining the way a household operates instead of assuming that a struggling mom simply needs to try harder. Sometimes, the problem isn’t that we aren’t trying. Sometimes, the way we’ve been doing things needs to change. And sometimes, we need permission to admit that we’re tired. Which is where I am today. How about you?
The second part of the book focuses on the Notice and Do Playbook. It explores teaching children the skills to complete tasks, helping them become aware of what needs to be done, and giving them a purpose for contributing to the household. The idea is to move beyond simply telling a child to do something and expecting them to know how to do it, remember it, and recognize when it needs to be done again.
That sounds straightforward, but parenting has taught me that children don’t all learn the same way. What works for one child may not work for another, and what works on one day may not work on the next. I’ve always tried to pick my battles as a parent. I’ve also wanted Charlie to grow into a capable, independent adult. But looking back, I sometimes wonder whether I could have approached certain things differently.
I thought I had taught Charlie to recognize what needed to be done and take responsibility for it. But as I’ve explored this book, I’ve found myself wondering whether there are still things I can learn that might help us today. That doesn’t mean I believe I’ve failed him as a mother.
Parenting is a journey, and we keep learning as our children grow. Sometimes, the things we learn when our children are young need to be revisited when they’re teenagers or young adults. And sometimes, we need to learn a new way of communicating with one another.
My favorite part of the book is the 15-minute method for teens. Let’s be honest. A teenager who willingly notices what needs to be done around the house, wants things to be neat, and takes the initiative to get things done without being asked sounds like a parenting dream. At least it does in my home!
But Samantha doesn’t simply tell parents to wish for more cooperation. She offers an approach built around three steps: set it, show it, and stick to it. She also encourages parents to let go of their “should stories”—the expectations we carry about what our children should already know or be doing.
The part about showing children what needs to be done really spoke to me. Charlie has ADHD, and I’ve learned that giving him too many tasks at once can leave him feeling overwhelmed. When too much is piled on him, he can shut down. But when we break things down and focus on one task at a time, things can go much better.
I’ve tried to explain that to David more times than I can count. Sometimes, David adds more and more to the list of things Charlie needs to do, while I’m trying to approach things differently by focusing on one task at a time. We don’t always agree on how to handle these situations, and that can make an already difficult situation even harder.
Reading this section has made me realize that this is something David and I need to discuss together. If we’re going to help Charlie, we need to find a way to work as a team rather than unintentionally making things more difficult for him. I can see us sitting down for what I like to call a come-to-Jesus meeting. LOL It’s about recognizing that we may need to change our approach, communicate better, and find a way to move forward together.
And I can see how these ideas might help David, too. He has his own reading challenges, and breaking information down into manageable steps may be helpful for him as well. That’s one of the things that has surprised me about this book. Although it is a parenting book, the ideas have me thinking about our entire household, including myself.
The third part of Notice and Do focuses on fine-tuning the approach for your own family. Thank the Lord that Samantha addresses ADHD and recognizes that Notice and Do is intended for different kinds of minds. As the mom of a child with ADHD, that section immediately caught my attention.
Children who struggle with attention, organization, or feeling overwhelmed may need a different approach to learning household responsibilities. Simply repeating instructions or adding more tasks doesn’t necessarily help. I also appreciated seeing a chapter titled It’s Not Too Late for Your Teen.
When your children get older, it’s easy to wonder whether you’ve missed your opportunity to teach them certain things. You want them to become responsible adults, but you can’t turn back the clock and redo every parenting decision. The encouraging thought here is that learning doesn’t have to stop when childhood ends.
There are still opportunities to develop skills, build new habits, and find ways to communicate that work better for everyone involved. I am looking forward to putting these ideas into practice and seeing how I can apply them in our home. I know that Charlie’s needs, our family circumstances, and the challenges we’re facing all matter. I don’t expect a book to fix everything, but I welcome practical ideas that might help us take a step in a better direction.
I couldn’t help noticing the chapter about getting your partner on board. Does this work on husbands? That’s a question I think plenty of wives might ask! If we’re talking about sharing the mental load, then surely the goal is for everyone in the household to participate. Moms shouldn’t have to carry the responsibility for noticing everything and then managing everyone else’s contributions, too.
This is something David and I need to work on together. We both want Charlie to grow, learn, and become more independent, but we may have different ideas about how to get there. Perhaps learning to break things down, communicate clearly, and agree on a consistent approach will help all of us.
I also need to remember that change isn’t only about what I want other people to do. It means looking at my own expectations, choosing my battles wisely, and being willing to try something different. That may be one of the most important lessons I take away from this book.
At Greatful Moments, we have a 10-Minute Reading Challenge because I believe reading is something we can make room for even when life is busy. Notice and Do is a good fit for that challenge. Its sections make it possible to read a little at a time, reflect on what you’ve learned, and continue when you have another opportunity.
I also appreciate the writing spaces and additional resources, including a quick-win toolbox, cheat sheets, and roadmaps. These offer ways to revisit ideas and work toward putting them into practice. And yes, I believe reading this book deserves a ticket for my challenge!
For me, reading isn’t just about finishing a book. Sometimes, it’s about finding a new idea, thinking about a situation differently, or recognizing something I want to change. This book has already given me plenty to think about, and I’m looking forward to continuing to read it.
The book’s description promises an approach to reducing motherhood burnout, teaching children to contribute, and helping families share the mental load. I haven’t tested the method long enough to promise that it will deliver all those results in my home.
What I can tell you is that its subject matter has arrived at a time when I genuinely need to consider new ways of handling some of our family challenges. I can see ideas worth exploring in the way Samantha breaks tasks down, encourages parents to demonstrate what they expect, and recognizes that teenagers and children with ADHD may need approaches tailored to their needs.
I also like that the book considers the adults in the household. If we want our children to learn new skills, we need to be willing to examine our own habits and expectations, too. At the time I looked at it, the book was listed for $27.96. That’s a little more than I can comfortably spend on a book for every person I know, even though I think the subject is important. As Santa starts loading his sleigh, I may have to ask him to bring copies to some of my friends!
I genuinely believe new parents could benefit from having a resource like this on their shelves as their children grow. It may also be useful for parents of older children who are still trying to figure out how to encourage independence and share responsibilities at home.
If you’re interested in learning more, you can visit HelloSamKelly.com to find Samantha’s resources and email club. You can also follow her on Instagram. You can find Notice and Do: Raise Capable Kids, End Motherhood Burnout, and Lighten Your Mental Load by Samantha Kelly on Amazon.
Thank You, Sam Kelly– When the press release about Notice and Do arrived in my inbox, I was struggling with the challenges of everyday life and wondering how to make things better at home. I didn’t need a book that promised to solve every problem in my life. I needed something that would make me stop, think, and consider whether there were changes I could make. And that’s what this book has done for me.
I can already see areas where I want to change my approach with Charlie. I want David and me to find ways to work together rather than overwhelm Charlie with too many expectations at once. I want to keep learning how to communicate better, choose my battles wisely, and remember that every person in our home has different needs.
I also know that a book can’t replace the professional care a struggling family member may need, and it can’t erase the financial and emotional challenges that come with a difficult season. Those realities are still there. But sometimes, a new perspective is a meaningful place to begin.
So, thank you, Sam Kelly, for bringing this book into my life at a time when I truly needed it. I may not have all the answers, and I know we still have work to do in our home, but I’m grateful for the reminder that it’s never too late to learn, grow, and try a different approach. And if this book helps us find a little more understanding, a little more cooperation, and a little more peace at home, I’ll be thanking Jesus for that blessing.
Have you ever felt as though the mental load of running your home falls on your shoulders? Have you found ways to help your children take more initiative, especially when they’re teenagers or have different learning needs? I’d love to hear what has worked for your family. At Greatful Moments, we’re all about being grateful, thankful, and blessed—even while we’re learning how to navigate the hard days.
About the book:
Lighten your mental load and end mom burnout for good with a new kind of parenting book that teaches your kids to notice what needs to be done at home—and do it—without waiting to be asked.
You’re sick of the constant push-and-pull to get your kids to clean (which, let’s be real, often ends up with you doing it yourself). With Notice and Do, there’s a new way. Through accessible but revolutionary techniques, parenting coach Sam Kelly will teach you how to empower your entire family to share the mental load and proactively contribute at home with eight black and white illustrations and 14 photos.
This proven, research-backed method breaks the cycle of burnout and inequitable partnerships, liberating moms from the burden of being the engine that keeps everything running, and sets your kids up to be self-motivated, resilient adults. With Notice and Do, you will learn:
- the easy and effective way to teach kids cleaning skills so they can confidently get stuff done on their own
- how to teach kids to notice what needs to be done, for themselves, as the first step to taking initiative
- age-specific scripts to get buy-in and action from toddlers-teens (even the resistant ones!)
- how to show your daughters that shouldering the mental load is not their default setting
- how to show your sons that they are just as capable of being an aware, proactive team player at home
- ways to work with kids with ADHD and teenagers without yelling, bribes, or constant micromanaging
- getting your partner on board so everyone in the family is participating in the invisible labor of managing the home
Say goodbye to the one-mom-show and exhausting chore chart battles and hello to a life-changing whole family team who shares the mental load together and works with you, instead of one that works because of you.
The audiobook offers a dynamic listening experience with an author-read narration and a multicast recording.
Meet the Author: Samantha Kelly
Sam Kelly has a master’s degree in Art Therapy Counseling, has taught at the University level, and is the creator of the popular audio course, Little Cycle-Breakers. Her viral Notice and Do method has been featured on major media outlets, podcasts, and blogs including Good Morning America, Business Insider, Upworthy, Motherly, and Scary Mommy, recognized by influential parenting experts, and trusted by countless exhausted moms around the world. She lives with her husband, three kids, and three kitties.
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Grateful. Thankful. Blessed.
Thank you,
Glenda, Charlie and David Cates
