When I talk about my family it seems like there is a part A: Suzzane and a part B: Charlie and the two shall never meet. In a lot of ways Suzzane and Charlie are alike but in more ways than one there different. I was reminded of this again yesterday.
When was reminded family isn’t always picture-perfect. Sometimes everyone is laughing around the dinner table. Sometimes you’re watching a movie together, taking a family outing, cooking a favorite meal, or sitting outside talking about absolutely nothing. Which is the times I’ve been missing with Charlie and David.
And sometimes someone says something that hurts. Sometimes children test boundaries and this week has been one of them with Charlie. Actually the past couple months has been. Sometimes teenagers push every button a parent has and more in the case of Charlie.
Sometimes adult children forget that their words still carry weight. Sometimes parents say the wrong thing, too. That’s family, too. Then it’s even harder here because my brother is living here now and I feel like I’m living in a landmine.
Over the years, I’ve learned that some of the most important family moments aren’t the big celebrations. They are the ordinary moments—and sometimes even the difficult ones—that teach us something about love, patience, responsibility, forgiveness, and growing together. That is what I mean by Greatful Moments which I have been struggling to find the past couple months and that isn’t fair because it feels like I’m losing myself and I hate it.
When we think about making family memories, we often picture vacations, birthdays, Christmas morning, family reunions, or special celebrations. Those are wonderful memories. But years from now, we may also remember the everyday things.
A favorite mea or a late-night trip for a drink. A movie everyone watched together or a funny conversation in the kitchen. A quick trip to the store or a book read at bedtime. A walk around the neighborhood or sitting at the table after dinner and talking about the day.
Those moments don’t always seem important when they are happening. But they are the pieces that make up family life. One of the hardest things about being a parent is realizing that our children don’t stay children.
The little person who once needed you for practically everything eventually becomes a teenager who wants independence. Then that teenager becomes an adult who has his or her own opinions, responsibilities, relationships, bills, jobs, dreams, and struggles.
The way we parent has to change, too. We can’t always fix things for our adult children. We can’t make their choices for them. We can’t make them learn a lesson before they are ready. But we can still teach them and let them teach us at times.. We can still set boundaries and we can still encourage responsibility. And we can still love them.
Sometimes loving an adult child means giving advice and sometimes it means listening. Sometimes it means saying, “That isn’t an acceptable way to treat someone.” And sometimes it means stepping back and allowing that grown child to experience the consequences of his or her own choices.
Parenting doesn’t necessarily end when a child becomes an adult. It changes. Even Difficult Moments Can Become Teaching Moments I recently had one of those family moments that wasn’t particularly easy with Charlie where I learned I needed to reset boundaries with my family.
Someone I love said things that hurt my feelings. Words were spoken that shouldn’t have been spoken, and I found myself wondering why we sometimes hurt the people who are closest to us. I could have allowed that moment to become the entire story.
But I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to use this website to air our family’s dirty laundry. That’s not why I’m here. I’m here because I know there are other parents sitting at their kitchen tables wondering what they’re supposed to do when family relationships become difficult.
So instead of telling someone else’s story, I want to talk about the lesson. Words matter. Being family doesn’t give us permission to be cruel to one another. And being hurt doesn’t mean we have to stop loving someone.
Those two things can exist at the same time. We can say, “I love you,” while also saying, “You cannot talk to me that way.” We can forgive someone while still expecting better behavior. We can give our children grace while also teaching them responsibility.
And we can remember that growing up isn’t simply about getting older. It’s about learning how to treat other people, take responsibility for our choices, and become the kind of person others can depend on. Sometimes connection happens in unexpected places.
After a difficult evening, dinner still came.
We still ate. I started watching a movie. and during the movie there was an invitation to go get a drink at Sonic. Because I wanted to keep the drama down I had dealt with all day. I froze the movie and I went to Sonic with Charlie.
Nothing magically erased the hurtful words that had been said earlier. There wasn’t a perfect movie ending where everyone sat down and talked everything through. But there was still a little moment of connection.
And sometimes that’s where family life happens. Not in a perfectly planned family activity and not because everyone suddenly agrees. Just in the ordinary decision to spend a little time together. Those little moments matter.
In those moments most of the time I feel like I have my little boy back as he talks to me about things happening in his life. Because it’s hard to talk in our home most of the time. Even though I was still upset I listened and could hear the stress Charlie was going through and no, that wasn’t a reason for him to do the things he did but it made me stop and see things from his perspective.
Family traditions don’t have to cost mone and they don’t have to involve elaborate vacations or perfectly decorated houses. Maybe Friday night means pizza and maybe Saturday morning means pancakes. Maybe everyone chooses a movie or maybe you read together.
Maybe you take a drive and get coffee or maybe you visit a local park. Maybe you cook Grandma’s recipe. Maybe Christmas means pulling out the same decorations every year. Maybe Thanksgiving means telling stories about the people who aren’t sitting at the table anymore. Or mabey it’s going to Sonic for a drink.
The tradition isn’t necessarily the activity. The tradition is doing something together. One of the greatest gifts we can give our families is time to talk. Not every conversation has to be serious as long as you take time to talk.
Talk about the movie or you can talk about dinner. Talk about something funny that happened. Ask them work if they work. Ask about school or ask what they’re playing. Ask what they’re reading or ask what they’re looking forward to.
And when the conversation gets difficult, listen. That doesn’t mean we agree with everything our family members say. It means we leave room for them to be heard. Families don’t become stronger because everyone thinks exactly alike. They become stronger when people know they can come home, sit down, and have a conversation.
For Charlie and I faith is part of the foundation. David is also learning more about Faith and becoming to believe more in the LORD which I’m grateful, thankful and blessed for. Life has brought joy, disappointment, celebrations, grief, changes, and days when we simply didn’t know what to do next.
There have been moments when all we could do was pray. There have also been moments when we could look around and say, “Thank You, Lord, for this.” Faith doesn’t mean family life is always easy. It means we don’t have to walk through the difficult parts alone.
Sometimes a Greatful Moment is a prayer around the table and sometimes it is thanking God for another day. Sometimes it is remembering someone we love and sometimes it is simply recognizing a blessing that might have been easy to over.
Family changes and as you can see with Charlie hildren grow up. People move and grandparents get older. New people join the family. Some relationships change. And some people we love are no longer here.
That last part can be especially difficult because there are empty chairs at some family tables. There are traditions that remind us of people we miss. There are stories we continue telling because someone mattered—and still matters.
Grief doesn’t mean we have to stop making new memories. We can carry the old memories with us while making room for new ones. That’s one of the beautiful things about family. The story keeps growing and growing.
I’ve never believed that a family has to be perfect to be happy. Families are made up of people and people make mistakes. We get tired and we get frustrated. We say things we wish we hadn’t said and we sometimes expect too much and we sometimes don’t expect enough. We learn and we apologize and we forgive and we try again and hopefully, we grow.
That’s why I don’t want GreatfulMoments.com to be a place where we pretend family life is always easy. I want it to be a place where we can talk about the good days and learn something from the hard ones. Because sometimes the teaching moment isn’t something we planned. It just happens.
Someday, your children may not remember every gift you bought and they may not remember whether the house was spotless. Or they may not remember whether dinner was homemade every night. They may not remember all the things you worried about. But they may remember that you sat beside them. They may remember the silly joke.
The bedtime story or the Sunday drive. The pancakes or the family movie. The holiday tradition or the trip to Sonic. The conversation at the kitchen table or the person who showed up. And hopefully, they’ll remember that even when life wasn’t perfect, they were loved.
That is what I want to keep building in my own family. Not perfection. Not a picture for social media. Not a family that never disagrees. I want the little things. The conversations and the meals. The laughter and the traditions. The faith and the memories. The forgiveness and the lessons. The ordinary Tuesday nights that somehow become memories years later.
Because when I look back at my life, I know those little moments weren’t little at all. They were our life. And those are the moments I am most grateful for. They are the reasons I am grateful, thankful and blessed for my LORD, my life, David, Charlie even on the hard days and Suzzane and our dogs.
So tonight, don’t worry about creating a perfect family memory. Sit down together and eat something. Watch a movie or play a game. Take a walk. Call Grandma or read a book. Look through old photographs. Ask someone how their day went.
Pray together. Tell someone you love them. Or, if today was a hard day, simply give everyone a little room to breathe, a little grace and try again tomorrow. You don’t have to manufacture a Greatful Moment. Sometimes you just have to notice one. You just have to be Grateful. Thankful. Blessed. That’s family. That’s life. And that’s what makes the little moments matter.
What little family moments do you treasure most? I’d love to hear about the ordinary traditions, meals, conversations, outings, or memories that have become special to your family.
GreatfulMoments.com
Grateful, Thankful, Blessed.
Thank you,
Glenda, Charlie and David Cates
